Saturday, January 31, 2009
After decades-lost to family ties, in my organically intuitive search to know love in this world_ I have finally reached a significant moment of liberation. Now comes the plea to that family left behind. A family I hope will not just continue to be at risk_ of remaining in chosen ignorance.
All past socially geeky, explosive expression aside_ I am breaking the codes of family silence. I am breaking the codes of family shame. I am walking away from the hold that terror has held in a lifelong mysterious domination on my life, because I have finally learned its name. I am relieved in the belief that I have very carefully finally learned, what you have always seemed to not want to know. I am relieved after doing much of the work to know that has always belonged to you to do_ for your own healing; for your own empowerment.
Consider: how might your life be from here?
That it is entirely likely that you are mentally ill and have always been, my whole life! Can you please stop hiding from this historically unnamed and possible truth now, and go explore it in open mindedness? In open "heartedness?"
In those experiences that are found in the empowerment of knowing_ wouldn't you want to get well? Explore to know!
Many years ago when I was in high school, the possibility of you being mentally ill was suggested by family members. I remember at that time, you more or less reactively asked for my validation that such a suggestion was ridiculous. As a daughter desperately wanting to be accepted by my mother at almost all costs, I agreed. Yet even at that time, my teenage gut held a twinge the possibility could have been otherwise. This twinge I recognize was my inner signal for the unnamed and terrorizing domination. Just as paradoxically it is that domination that has intuitively guided my entire life. Intuitively guided me to leave in order to survive. After decades now, slowly learning to finally name this mystery, I am at peace. I know I have finally learned, it is your mental illness that is and always was the reality we all tried to survive then, the best we each knew how. The not knowing years was a time in all our lives that was "every man for himself."
Now, the only veil between you and exploration of this potential, is the shame about being mentally ill and the habitualized support called family love that in its best intention, may actually prevent you from looking into this further for your own self. That shame is only ignorance! Ignorance that labels illness as shame!!! Ignorance does not know any better.
Mental illness CAN be cured. Check out this website, because mental illness is an illness! It is NOT shame!! It is an illness that is curable.
I am wishing you wellness because it is very possible for you. The explorative impact alone is also very beneficial for our family as a whole. Without an informed exploration, the continuing habits of reacting, labeling and negatively judging_ are only that.
I am also wishing you deep inner peace because I have always wanted to know who you really are. I am wishing that deep healing in you will be a reality for us to experience together in this lifetime, because nothing else can ever be otherwise between us.
This, albeit estranged lifelong searching, devoted to understanding what it would take to name a family member's illness and thus, begin to point to a family member's wellness_ is also what love really is. I truly feel I now know a significant piece in the "something is wrong here" that I feel strongly always has been... can you begin to explore letting this identity of not wanting to know_ go now? Can you find the strength and courage it will take, to know better?
I have no shame in you. Right now, I just cannot ever live near you as you are. I would however, be proud for you to know this very likely truth for your own self.
Friday, January 23, 2009
TRUST! Trust in me!! It is with this profound insight, revisited that I start this day!! Trust is my teacher in life right now. I know that I really want to consciously know this relationship within more deeply, and eventually to share this growing part of me with everyone! There is much to listen to in my inner being; this deeper truth of who I am... What I am wishing you is great, deep trust in yourself everyday!
Friday, January 16, 2009
This video is part of a theme on Mental Illness for which I have very recently discovered a voracious interest. The theme: "Mental Illness Impact on Families," is part of a series of resources with different focuses I am posting on all my blogs, for the empowerment of everyone who needs to hear this information and may want to tap into it! For example, check out this website for a wealth of knowledge and information!
I won't just focus on the impact on families_ I will also include resources (such as this video: "In Our Own Voices") for the individuals in our families and our communities who may be internally trapped by mental illness in one way or another.
I am doing this because I know that I am a family member impacted by a family member with mental illness, and I know how long it has taken me to uncover this deeply denied truth. A truth denied out of ignorance. A truth denied both by people once in charge who did not want to know and by those well-meaning care takers now in charge within the family who perhaps in the beginning unwittingly by virtue of historic patterns, nevertheless, still choose not to know. A truth denied out of a huge lack of socially accessible educational resources that belong more commonly available in all of our communities, throughout this entire country! Education that already does but still has room to inform many more Americans, about acceptance of the truth that mental illness is a disease that can be managed as so many diseases. We all need to learn more through education about, training in and contact to resources for this truth who's time is WAY overdue!