What does being treated as recognizable mean really? What does being recognizable look like? How does that feel? Assuming recognition-maturity can consciously start with self, to understand this territory of being in the body and having interactions with other spirits in the flesh_ what I have come to, in doing the personal work about looking and recognizing, is how consciously noticing leads to truly seeing. This is what is defined as the art of being awake, wholeheartedly present_ alive in one's own life. Then, in light of looking at or being seen by another, what is the healthiest context for the ego's agenda in regard to holistic self-awareness?
Does it dominantly seem like many only look in order to get? What are first impressions? How can one get passed them to be more commonly recognizable in the eyes of another? Looking, in that context of not seeing seems to seal all future interactions in a state of risk. Only unconsciously looking to get seems to hold all encounters in the reactionary state really_ that of original impressionistic ego-centered intentions. How can one really see this way, recognize self?! Until satisfied, ego-centered intentions continuously unconsciously risk real self-recognition in its encounters with the other person, looking through unconscously hungry eyes from a sleeping inner self. But what is that habituated hunger-for-satisfaction really? Parents can often be this way with their own children, falling in a sort of egocentric love with the newborn, through the lens of their own ideas about self.
What doesn't blatantly seem obvious in my art, as is the common case in life encounters, is the state of lacking self-awareness is what I am always intuitively examining_ asking whether I am seeing clearly, recognizing in the moment who and what is asking to be seen and heard. Often, recognition occurs as a reminder to my own awareness after the painting has been completed_ that this is why I paint. The painting action, and the final image combine to be understood like a mirror to my consciousness, soliciting the abilities to pay attention_ to wake up! Interpersonally, I don't yet experience trust that many people are any more emotionally, or spiritually that self-cognizant for all of humanity's modern advances. Current history-in-the-making is a super mirror to this reality in my observations. Yet, I am always intrigued as to whether one is even available to this form of internal clarity first, in their ideas of relationship. Consequently encounters with others more usually than not, tend to feel like being looked at through the filters of the other's ego-centered, typically unconscious agenda. I have not quite discovered a lot of room to develop trust there. Not until, it seems that personal boundaries are clearly a more commonly experienced cognizant inner relationship habit pattern. This idea then, as an assumption to begin defining interpersonal reality, would be so thoroughly integrated that one could see, hear and recognize another person as that, and as not that in the sweet irony of self-acceptance.
I would like to believe that these current sorts of observations on seeing, are just about me not expecting enough of myself. Perhaps, I have not experienced enough mirroring to recognize the depth of self-esteem that is possible for anyone really. In my years here of distinct vulnerability, while working through the process of self-recognition, I have been accused of shouting to be heard, and I did, as a toddler learns to walk in order to put into practice new-found awarenesses about protecting one's own boundaries. I did so like a moma lion. I was full-time single parenting simultaneously. Those were the therapy years, and I did them alone in a town that is a nest where, there are two distinct sets of choices for seeing and experiencing living. It is a nest, a haven, where one can pull the covers back over one's head and sleep-walk the rest of the way through one's life, or cognizantly choose as I did, to recognize the sweetness of the haven qualities. A place to learn about self in relative safety, and then to learn what it takes to strengthen one's wings without competition. Since this monumental accomplishment, I am not certain that I even have room to learn to fly out of the nest. Is there inertia of place to consider? I think this is what I am attempting_ but being heard courageously would be another journal entry. The two do go together. H-h-help! I can't do any more of this alone!! Meaningful relationship has to orbit in, and for me, now would be a good time.
Looking back it was too easy to be alone as I worked hard. I tested my growth in periodic, daily-routine sorts of encounters with others. Much later, I have realized that surface layer contact in others is not very deep_ it has been too easy to find lack of self esteem everywhere in others here. In the beginning of my new-found strengths and social naïveté, I believed I was simply getting better about being my clear self in order to meet my life-long intuitions_ that of joining up with others in the healthy swim of life around me. I had assumed what I saw was strength, love. Sadly, and still isolated instead, I seem to have managed to have learned to give myself what is not common, yet deserves to be. That of time, to learn and grow in self-recognition.
Now, in returning after an eight year absence from making my art, I will let the new work be interpreted as it will because I better understand that interpretations reflect the viewer's abilities to see, and therefore recognize or not accordingly. It means my understanding of the artist's philosophy that once finished, any work of art has its own life to live in the world.
As I have come to understand, the truth really is, for all the fear-based, stunted lack of healthy growth in ego identity from which everyone enters into the world_ in an unconscious need-agenda to be recognized_ what is possible to come to, is that we really are not separated. This awareness of self-recognition then is much sweeter, more precious.
The highest experiences of conscious attention in living one's life, is to understand that without attachment or aversion, one is able to choose to learn to recognize that interaction after all, is in the company of one's own true self_ the essential nature. What I ask of my work now as the artist of life: what then is needed to proliferate the environment that most commonly will foster a natural human tendency, for the highest possible choice-making qualities about self-awareness, for many more people? In other words, what are our most optimum conditions that we are very practically capable of creating right now, in which to safely, more fully flourish into our own unique conscious sense of self? Can I paint the indications of possibility to capture the attention for those environmental considerations? Can I paint more accurately that might ignite spontaneous recognition?
From my own earliest choices to seek out the relative safety of the nested environment, looking out, I know this ego-centered, self-indulgent stuff rampant in the world now, ain't it. Finding by recognizing more and more courageously what is "it," is the real focus for attention in living life. A life of sight that is full in self-recognition. Tricky!
Look. See. Breath. Feel. Notice without distraction. Learn to consciously name without attachment or aversion, beginning with self.