Whether funders to support my dreams out in the world, show up when those resources are needed, one moves forward with one's own life-vision regardless.
Human consciousness is still in its infancy... people of all stripes must be convinced first that something or someone is a sure thing, or a safe bet. Here is where you have been invited to get acquainted with my soul, and yet_ on that level of universality, the habit of clinging to surety first, reveals so much about the lack of conscious development around true personal power. This habit pattern is rampant in the world. Here in living one's own life, is where one truly finds heaven. Here is paradise_ as I am saying, that reality is about conscious awareness in THIS life, not the next. Not a one is here to remain stuck in fear or ignorance.
I am a creative builder of my own life. It is a story or a living example of hope and inspiration, for my tools built over fifty-two years, come out of my own belief in self. There has been no other adult, and no money in twenty years, yet I did come from means before choosing the long road of social and (thus) material consequences. Consequences that have contributed to, and compounded financial and social poverty. Is this blame? Even experiencing the social version of that, there is no blame from me... Accountability, yes.
I am an honestly spoken, and direct person. Want more historical context for this development? Imagine the urgent immediacy of poverty with a child, and a beloved and devoted dog. Now, include consciousness from before birth, that has always been oriented to a deeply internal yearning for truth in the center of these conditions, and marry them to an instinctive search for the clarity of healthy love out in the world. Stir in isolation with said child, and dog, create art, go to therapy groups, passionately cook organic food from scratch for pleasure, and nutritional health. Add bouts of homelessness while maintaining the same personal standards with child, and dog in shelter systems... dog sometimes in the car, keep up a car, vigilantly deal with exposure to lice, three different times.
Well, you can begin to get the picture. Over-whelming? You bet. Ever give up? Not an option. Low moments? Like Bonnie Raitt in essence said, "even the strong get sad, lonely, and in need of a friend."
What I have described is just a momentary flashback of some instances in the early years_ 'cause there was also home schooling, earning my own four-year degree... but those are details for paintings, and another round of true life-stories on other journaling occasions.
Today, I am putting into context here in my journal, that I am taking some time for myself, to focus as I said on building a business centered in my art making and in the health modalities needed to live well. This building process will involve finding a day job, (keep all shame, insecurity, defense about the nature, and definition of work to yourself. Consciously WORK on that, then we can talk.), as I was saying_ covering the day-to-day, reestablishing home base in the very near future, producing creative and healing work again in two different sorts of studio environments, establishing a new community rapport from each of those studio disciplines, for volunteerism and remuneration, when I figure out where that new socio-economic/ geographic setting is going to be. Finding other similarly-disciplined artists, and cultivating a social circle. Here's my ideal social circle: a group of about twelve people who do all kinds of things with healthy passion_ who share one of them as a close-knit group_ the passion of healthy, organic cooking! Yeah, I know, don't limit yourself. Healthy and organic is the focus.
So, a circle of twelve people bound by their similar passions for cooking well_ who regularly cook together. Sharing food! Love, not necessarily sexually, with each other, just love, family, life, and all the grey areas in between, where those lives intersect always over the preparation of good food, together. Is this a description for friends? Is that a real question here? Trust yourself.
So, in the middle of dreaming, envisioning, writing it all out_ the point (for the third time) is that I am leaving the blog/post maintenance for perhaps the summer while I establish, and situate myself in the next chapter of my adult life. This summer, is my passage to a more adult-centered life-experience for a change... and never separate from my familial ties and responsibilities.
You drop me a line now, for a change. Tell us all what you have liked about my blog. Explore it's linked resources in depth. I invite you to write here, what you think, what you each feel? How you have responded to this blog in particular? To my art work? In essence, journal here yourself while I am gone_ that will be exciting to return to.
Only two ground rules in this space: (1)_ clear and vigilant self-respect, while always speaking your truth on any subject important to you, and (2)_ DO so (self-respectfully), without attachment or aversion. Am I repeating myself?!
Namasté
Sensuous Calla Lily, acrylic on paperboard
No comments:
Post a Comment